FAQs - COMING OUT WOMEN

Coming Out Women FAQs

What's a typical meeting like?

Sign on the door reads:" Wednesday Women Support Group." For the sake of confidentiality, no other details are posted on the door.
Introduction to the group with emphasis on confidentiality and respect towards all. Confidentiality includes "what is SAID here, STAYS here," and also "no gossip" (no discussion of women who are outside of the group).
Brief check-in (first names only)—OK to pass.
Discussion: share, or sit back, relax and listen; speak only if you are comfortable. We aim to have balance so that each woman can be heard if she wishes to; monopolizing is not OK. Discussion flows from issues brought up in check-in, so topics vary at each meeting; there are no pre-set topics. Our primary focus is on coming-out issues.
Announcements

What are the women like at a meeting?

Diverse in age: 20s…to…80s. From a variety of careers and life experiences. Have a partner, or just broke up, or never have been with a woman. Are (or have been) married to men. Have children, grandchildren. Want to network, not be so isolated. Some not “out” at all, some quite out:
“I have been “out” for a long, long time. I want to share my story and help other women on their journeys. And, in talking, I hope to do some healing for the pain I experienced.”
We are diverse. But our common bond is that our closest relationships are with other women.

Is everyone at the meeting "gay"?Frequent responses to this question include:

“I love this one woman…but I’m sure I’m not gay. I just feel so different about this woman compared to how I ever felt about my husband.”
“I’m not ready to come out to anyone at all—maybe just come and listen.”
“I want to stop living such a double life—mostly in the closet.”
“I want to feel better about being gay/lesbian (or bi or trans)—and want more accurate information about it.”
“ I hate ‘labels’ like ‘gay’ or ‘l-l-l-lesbian’, so I’m not gonna call myself that.
My church says it’s a sin. I don’t know…is it?”
“I want to come out to my best friend, but I’m not sure how to do it.”
“My family ‘knows’—we just never talk about it.”

How can I be sure I won't see someone I know there?

You can’t. There’s no guarantee. But other women there showed up for the same reason you did. Also, note that the sign on meeting room door gives no specific information about our group.

What information might I learn over time?

The meetings are designed to provide both support and accurate information. Handouts will be distributed (you might keep them in a 3-ring binder).

What are some examples of the handouts?

Some definitions: sexual orientation, sexual behavior, sexual identity; coming out. The spectrum of sexual orientation: Lesbian/gay-------------bisexual-------------heterosexual
Oppressive challenges we live with: heterosexism, homophobia, internalized homophobia, guilt, low self esteem, different types of abuse, compulsory isolation
Healthy coping and empowerment-building mechanisms
Myths and facts about lesbians; resources for accurate information
What God (or Jesus) “really said” about homosexuality.

Can this group connect me with other resource?

Definitely! Group leaders will have information about various local resources as well as some outside the area.

What if I have questions that I'm not comfortable asking in a group setting?

The group leader will gladly arrange to either speak with you in person, privately, or connect with you via phone or email.

You've referred to a group leader a couple times here in the FAQs… who leads this group?

This group was initiated by Kathy P. The current group has been meeting regularly since 2012 (?). Click here and you can read more about Kathy: what qualifies her to do this and why she does it.